Roses Are Red, Rejection is Blue.
Life’s happenings of Rejection and Disappointment and how to deal.
We will all have to deal with rejection and disappointment at some point in life. Rejection can come in many forms and leave scars that last a lifetime. I still remember feelings of rejection from middle school years. Whether its being rejected in an intimate relationship, a friendship, or professionally its important to know how to guard your emotional well-being after it happens.
Being rejected can affect our brains in the same way physical pain does. This is why feeling rejected can do so much damage to our overall well-being and affect other areas of life. It can leave you feeling psychically ‘punched in the stomach’ because its so closely related to physical pain. When an instance of rejection occurs, things that are expected to be affected are self-esteem, sense of worth, and feelings of self-doubt. All of these feelings are normal and if we can learn to handle them with expectancy, we will learn to gain more control on how they affect our day to day living. In my own experience of rejection, when I ‘expected’ the feelings of self-doubt, its ability to bring me down would lessen. It was still painful but I learned to gain more control over how the pain affected my functioning and well being. The most important thing to remember is that these feelings are TEMPORARY and I promise with time they will fade. Don’t expect to feel like this forever, soon enough these feelings will be a small memory and a great lesson for growth.
I’m going to give a personal example of my experience with rejection in hopes it can help you. This summer I was faced with being rejected in a way that I did not see coming. I was given a HUGE opportunity that ended very abruptly, like pretty much before I even had a chance to begin it. To walk you through it, imagine embarking upon a once in a lifetime opportunity that some people only dream of, a dream job. It is your first day at this new job in a beautiful office and you are surrounded by wonderful, gorgeous co-workers who are eager to meet you. You begin to envision new possibilities and how awesome things are going to be. A whole new world, like Jasmine and Aladdin status.
You have prepared for this opportunity for months, exhausting yourself and your bank account by choosing the right outfits that would make a lasting impression and obsess over every detail of the way you look and carry yourself. You are confident you will be liked and accepted. On the first day at the job, you are told you have to make a really good first impression on your boss in order to keep your job. So you try for about 9 hours to talk to him but it seems as though he’s always tied up with someone else. Everyone keeps asking if you have had your chance to talk with the boss and this begins to give you anxiety because the clock is ticking. You practice over and over this grand introduction and then just decide to “Be Yourself’ when given the chance to speak to him; surely that will impress him enough. Then all of a sudden the boss finally calls you into the office. You introduce yourself for less than a minute with some awkward silence involved, he dismisses you, then fires you in front of A LOT of people and sends you home. Huh???…WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? WHAT DID I DO WRONG??
The first thing I did was go over and over and OVER in my head what “I” did wrong. I did this to the point of mental exhaustion with every outcome still leading to feeling awful, embarrassed, confused, and REJECTED. I thought just being myself was going to feel natural and the boss would instantly see how amazing I was. Surely he would see my worth and want to know more. But here’s the thing, he didn’t. And that should be okay, right? A confident woman wouldn’t care what he thought, right? But I DID care and felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Did I blow it? Was I not talkative enough? Funny enough? Pretty enough? I tortured myself with these thoughts, ruining every chance of a good day. I began to project these self-loathing feelings onto my family and friends. It was obvious how much this affected my self-esteem. I had to accept that I was NOT going to be a part of this Jasmine and Aladdin world and accept the shame I felt explaining it to my friends and family. Shame of not meeting everyone else’s expectations of this once in a lifetime opportunity. But what was my expectation? Did I really want an opportunity that didn’t want me?? And then when asking myself once again was I "good enough"? I finally told myself ENOUGH!! Enough with the self-doubting and ENOUGH with all of this!! I AM enough and YOU ARE ENOUGH too! It doesn’t matter if the ‘boss’ or another person doesn’t see it, because you know what you have to offer and the people that love you know too. All of these feelings of rejection are temporary and will fade. I promise. No matter what kind of rejection you are facing whether in love, friendship, professionally, or on national television…please know that eventually these feelings will disappear. I want you to start envisioning that this person or opportunity that rejected you isn’t worthy of YOU anyway. Because if they were, they would see the Special that you are.
The silver lining is sometimes brighter than what you hoped for...
So remember during the natural feelings of self-doubt and low self esteem--- do you really want something that doesn’t want you? --- No. Thanks, but No Thanks. You deserve so much better!
Remember that just because one person doesn’t see the Amazingness in you, doesn’t mean the rest of the world won’t. So don’t shut out the possibility of feeling better soon or the possibility that something better is around the corner. I say this in confidence because something better did in fact present itself to me the second I let go of torturing myself with the “what could have been” non-stop.
It is okay to process these feelings and feel them for a little while but don’t let them have power over your best days. I’m pretty positive no matter how you were rejected that you will eventually look back and understand why that door wasn’t supposed to open. It is because a better one is just around the corner that will instantly see just how wonderful you are.
Those are the ones we want to walk through.
Sending you the courage to let it go,
Love, Dear L.j.